Lawn Clippings: ZekeIsAwesome Blog

Thoughts from the $300 Lawn Mower of Comedy: Zeke Thomas

Posts Tagged ‘MMA

STF Public Access 1-7-11 – Jesus

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Jesus from The Stranger than Fiction Show drops by to re-cap this week’s show that featured an Oprah ghost adventure give-a-way, a toe nail eating roommate and the greatest lesson of all. Check it out! Subscribe and “like” our videos and be sure to check out our website


I played soccer, It’s pretty gay and it’s okay

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The Onion did it again and dropped some serious science by alerting us that the world’s most popular sport is in fact, gay.  Everyone falls in love with the World Cup once every 4 years but soon the post-coital bliss wears off and we all have the sneaking suspicion that all the rumors are true.  That’s not to say soccer isn’t a great game.  It is! It’s just . . . you know . . . kinda swishy.

Millions of American kids and parents can’t be wrong, right?  Wrong. AYSO, the community youth soccer organization, has been around for years trying to indoctrinate people into their “Everybody plays, Everybody wins” philosophy. These guys in particular have played a key component in furthering the self-esteem movement,“It’s not what you do, man . . . it’s how you feel about doing it”.   What a crock of shit.  Life does not guarantee you a trophy and a pizza party at the end of the year. But it would be nice if it did . . .

You’re probably thinking I know a little too much about the whole soccer/AYSO thing and you might be right. You see, I have a startling confession to make.  I didn’t think it would come out like this . . . I mean (*tearing up*) . . . I was hoping I would take this secret to the grave with me (*lone tear drop*) . . . but I am a recovering soccer player (*full on bawling*)!

The Attack Pack (1987) rockin shiny shorts and mullets with the best of them

My ugly secret is out of the closet.  Front row, second from the right. From 1983 until 1997 I was a soccer player and I was damn good.  I dabbled a little bit during my freshman year of college too, but then again, who didn’t? But, I’m glad to say that period of my life is over.  I mean I still have to bust out the mad soccer skills once a year for an audition, but I get that kind of creepy feeling that I can only imagine straight porn actors get when they go “gay for pay”.

The worst part about this whole soccer debacle was that my parents actually encouraged it.  But to be fair, I kinda understand why.  I had 3 strikes against me coming out of the gate:

Strike #1) I am of Brazilian heritage (as far as we know)

My Brazilian Mom and her allegiance to her culture insisted I start playing at the age of 4.  To make matters worse, my hippy father co-signed this bullshit.

Strike #2) My body type

I think #1 and #2 are interconnected but I feel that anyone who is on the petite side of the size-scale and has over-developed quads really has no choice but to go with soccer. Basketball was not my game.  Believe me . . . I tried.

Strike #3) My penchant for shiny polka-dot shorts

This one doesn’t really need an explanation.  I just really like them.

However, I can’t fault soccer.  It’s only being itself and I think I turned my life around in a pretty dramatic fashion.  I’d like to say I’m a social soccer player these days, not a daily soccer player.  Those guys have a problem, man. I still have a job, a family, and I haven’t relapsed competitively in more than a decade. Soccer had a time and a place in my life and I’d like to say that time is over.

Plus, soccer has at least one thing going for it . . . at least it’s not Jiu Jitsu.

*** It’s okay, I roll jits, too. Bring the hate. ***

Live show update:

It looks as though I’ll be back in time from my Voice Over job in Nor Cal to take part in “The Stranger than Fiction Show” tonight Friday, September 10th at the LA Connection Comedy Theater in Sherman Oaks, CA.  Ticket and show info can be found on – Come on by and get your faces melted off with 90 mins of improv comedy and metal.

Written by ZekeIsAwesome

September 10, 2010 at 5:00 am

Posted in Comedy, MMA, Surliness

Tagged with , , , , ,

Archived: Cro Cop died and was re-animated by the UFC med. staff

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I intended this blog to mark important dates in my life. The last 2 months has been full of them. I’ve blogged nothing. So instead I present a UFC moment, where I learned that a fight can go anyway at anytime.

That is all.


Written by ZekeIsAwesome

April 25, 2007 at 5:16 am

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